It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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