Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
