I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
