you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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