before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Boobs are out for the taking
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
