Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
