life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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