I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Vodka?
Forever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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