Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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