hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
