I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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