Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
