Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
