We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
