I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
