so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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