why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
