If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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