C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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