Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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