My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
