a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
