It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
