we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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