He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
