What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
