He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
