I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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