I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
