I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
