Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Randomize
