Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Everything about him screamed your future.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
