You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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