wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
