Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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