Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
