I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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