dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
