Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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