I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
