at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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