Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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