I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
