My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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