the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
