i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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