So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize