just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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