so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
