Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
