and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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