i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
