I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
