He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
