it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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