I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
