All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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