I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
