I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need a beard to bite.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
