so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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