Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
