Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
