I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
